Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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