so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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