guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
