his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
