Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
