Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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