You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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