If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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