ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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