so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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