I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
