I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
