So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
