i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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