Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
