Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(442): View more from California

seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong

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(701): View more from North Dakota

First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

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(361): View more from Texas

I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

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(830): View more from Texas

Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

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(503): View more from Oregon

He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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(407): View more from Florida

If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I cannot FaceTime with your penis

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(313): View more from Michigan

He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.

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