A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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