Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
