he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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