I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
