i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
