I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
