I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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