I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm at about main and main street
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
