I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
