u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
