I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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