Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
