barbara walters just said penis...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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