I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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