things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The Olympian is in my bed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
