like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
