I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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