You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
