RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
