I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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