if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
