i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
