So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
