im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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