we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
