More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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