I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
