I wanna bring you to show and tell
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
