u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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