She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
