Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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