And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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