My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
