They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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