You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
